WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

The Entertainers viewpoint

Woody Allen:  
1) I mean, it was, it was... a chicken... of legal consenting 
age. It wasn't like it was my REAL daughter or anything. The 
heart wants what it wants. (And don't believe anything that 
Mia says about me.)
2) There is a cultural advantage to crossing the road.

Roseanne Barr:  Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Jack Benny:  
1) I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking
2)She was no spring chicken.

Ed (Kookie) Byrnes:
To borrow my comb.

James Cagney:  
He crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.

Eddie Cantor:  
To make whoopie

Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon:
Johnny Carson:  Let me tell you, it was so cold at that farm...
Ed McMahon:     How cold was it?
Johnny Carson:  It was so cold, that the chickens were mugging 
                the sheep to get wool for sweaters!

Cheech (or Chong):  
Just to be there, man.

Julia Child:  
Obviously the chicken tried to cross the road to get away from 
the likes of meself and my impeccably sharp cleaver!!! Take 
that, bird!! Whack!

John Cleese:  
1) Because it was very silly.
2) This isn't a chicken license, you know! It's a dog license 
   with the word "Dog" crossed out and "Chicken" written in 
   in crayon.
3) This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft 
   of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't 
   nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed 
   it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding 
   demised.  It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal 
   coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an 
   Ex-Chicken.
4) Manuel from Barcelona: "Que? "
   Basil: "You know, a chicken crossing the road...."
   Manuel: "Que?"
  Basil: [looking it up in a dictionary], "Un Pollo..."
  Manuel: (interrupting) "No, No we out of chicken.."
  * WHAP!!*

Alastair Cooke:  
Good Evening, and welcome to Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we 
present the epic British drama "How The Chicken Went," based
on the 1843 novel by Herbert T. Poultry, and adapted for the 
screen by Joanna Drumstick. Starring Susan Hampshire as the 
Chicken, and Anthony Hopkins as the evil and unrepentant diner, 
Borstrom, this elegant period piece explores the mores and 
morality of a society in which ordinary chickens had to face 
their destiny of crossing the road to meet their fate at the 
hands of the monied upper classes, regardless of their own
ambitions or desires...

Rodney Dangerfield: 
I get no respect. I've been crossing the road since 1989.

James Dean: 
1) Life is so short. It wanted to experience as much as
   possible in as short a time as possible.
2) To prove he wasn't chicken.

Clint Eastwood: 
Cross. Go ahead. Make my day.

W. C. Fields: 
The only good chicken is a dead chicken.

Peter Finch: 
He's mad as hell and is not going to take this any more.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: 
It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, 
thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Greta Garbo: 
It vanted to be alone.

Euel Gibbons: 
Because that's where the vegetarians live!

Hugh Grant: 
He was up to his old tricks.

Buddy Hackett: 
'Cause there was a cook behind her trying to shove a rotisserie 
skewer up her behind!

Arte Johnson: 
To get a Walnetto.

Graham Kerr: 
What! "Chicken Crossing The Road"...not without a fine white wine 
and a cup of heavy cream.

Stan Laurel: 
I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Michael Lerner:
When I was the leading chicken's rights activist in the 60's, I 
actively studied the question. In the politics of meaning, no
chickens will have to cross the road if they don't want to...

Jerry Lewis: 
For my kids.

Marcel Marceau: ...

Shirley MacLaine: 
After I was hatched from an egg in 1703, I recall having to cross 
the road.

Chico Marx: 
It couldn't. It was a rubber chicken.

Groucho Marx: 
1) Chicken. You said the secret word and have won $100.00
2) Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an 
   uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced 
   him, but we needed the eggs.
3)The club on that side of the road wanted him to join.
4) This morning I shot a chicken in my pyjamas -- and lemme tell 
   ya, that chicken ran out of my pajamas in a second!.

Harpo Marx: 
Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!

Jackie Mason: 
Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?

Jack Nicholson: 
'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Michael Palin: 
Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Marlin Perkins, on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom: 
Watch, as the chicken mauls Jim yet again..

Monty Python: 
For Something Completely Different

Mr. Rogers: 
It wanted to be my neighbor!

Arnold Schwartznegger: 
It vill be back.

Jerry Seinfeld: 
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone 
think to ask "What the heck was the chicken doing walking 
around all over the place anyway?"

Red Skelton: 
He was a baaaad boy.

Jerry Springer: 
Next, chickens who bear their breasts at cock fights.

Dionne Warwick: 
Now even chickens can call for their free 10 minute reading. 
"Your sign is coming into the 3rd house of Peterbuilt, I see
you crossing a path of some sort, there are lines on the path
. . .umm. . . your lucky number is 14 (click!)"

Mae West: 
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Flip Wilson: 
The devil made her do it.

Oprah Winfrey: 
To avoid mad-cow disease

Jonathan Winters: 
It didn't. It was too chicken.

Henny Youngman:  
Take this chicken ... please.