101 Blonde jokes: How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool. How does a blonde like her eggs? Unfertilized. How does a blonde on change her baby's diapers every month? Because is says right on it: "Good for up to 20 pounds". What's the Blonde's cheer? "I'm a blonde, I'm a blonde, I'm B.L.O.N... uh, oh well..I'm a blonde, I'm..." What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted! What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? Artificial Intelligence. How do you make the blond'e eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking of the head side to side) I dunno! Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Why do blondes wear green lipstick? Because red means stop. Why do blondes wear red lipstick? Because red means "Stop, wrong hole". What's the mating call of a brunette? All the blondes have gone home. Why do blondes like the IRS? Because they can spell it. What do you say to a blonde who won't give in? Have another beer. What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces herself. Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better. How do you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. What do a blonde and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. How does a blond part her hair? (Action of scissoring legs apart) A brunette and a blonde are walking in the park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, a dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street, and says, "Do you know where you're going?" Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, because all the people are leaving. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? Tits go in front. What is the mating call of an ugly blonde? (Screaming) "I said, I'm drunk!" How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks on their shoulder pads. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Five, one to make the batter, and four to peel the smarties. What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many men went down on the Titanic? How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years." What do you say to a blonde with no arms or legs? "Nice tits!" How does a blonde high-5? She smacks herself in the forehead. Why aren't there any blonde gymnasts? Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they get their head stuck in the jar. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 6 cups of water in the little package. do blondes and cowpies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels? More head room. How does a blonde turn the light after having sex? She opens the car door. What do blondes and turtles ahve in common? Once they're on their backs, they're screwed. What is the mating call of a blonde? I think I'm drunk. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because that's where you was the vegetables. Why does a blonde have TGIF written on her shoes? Toes go in first. What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have black boxes. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? Blow in her ear. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde? You can park in the handicapped zone. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? She goes home. Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? To keep her neck warm. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? Tell her a joke on Friday. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter. If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a building, who would land first? The brunette. The blonde would have to stop to ask for directions. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. What do you call a blonde that has a bone on her head? All you can eat for under a buck. How is a blonde different from a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747. What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract men? Her feet. Why do blondes have square breasts? They forgot to take the tissues out of the box. What did the blonde way when she found out she was pregnant? Is it mine? How can you tell a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? By the M&M shells on the floor. How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A 69 interrupted by a period. How do brainwash a blonde? Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A dope ring. Why did the blonde go half way to Norway then turn around and come home? It took her that long to figure out a 14" Viking was a television. How is a screen door and a blonde the same? The more you bang it, the looser it gets. What does the blonde say after she has had sex? Are you guys all from the same team? What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? The blonde! How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? Flattered. What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? Bucket seats. Why do blondes always die before help arrives? They can't dial the 11 in 9-1-1. What did the blonde say when asked if she was ever picked up by the fuzz? "No, but I've been swung around by the tits." Why do blondes have trouble achieving orgasm? Who cares? What do blondes do for foreplay? Remove their underwear. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row! Blonde: That's nothing; Last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy. What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? Do you want this by the hour, or by the flat rate? Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb, one of them calls 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house is on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, Yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we fell and got hurt. Why do blondes put up their hair in ponytails? To cover up the valve stem. How do blondes keep their ankles warm? With their underwear. How do you confuse a blonde? Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought. What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot. How is a blonde like spaghetti? They both squirm when you eat them. What do you call three blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. What's the brunette's mating call? "Is the blonde gone yet?" Why do blondes work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain them every Monday. What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. What do you call ten blondes in a swimming pool? An air pocket. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? "Thanks for the refill." What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? A brain tumor. Why did a blonde cross the road? Never mind that, what was she doing out of the kitchen? Two blondes were walking along and came to some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like deer tracks," and the other said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.