Q:   What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A:   The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q:   What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A:   They're both empty from the neck up.
Q:   What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A:   They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q:   What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A:   They both have black roots.
Q:   What does a blonde owl say?
A:   What, what?
Q:   What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A:   A brain tumor.
Q:   What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A:   Two brunettes.
Q:   What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
A:   They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A:   He knows who the ten men were.
Q:   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1:  10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2:  Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Q:   What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q:   What's the Blonde's cheer?
A:   " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
     I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road?
A:   Never mind that!  What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
R:   I don't know.
A:   Neither did she.
Q:   Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A:   To see what was on the other side.
Q:   Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A:   Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q:   Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A:   Too many blondes were drowning.
Q:   Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMT over to Iraq?
A:   They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Q:   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q:   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q:   Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A:   Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q:   Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A:   So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q:   Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A:   So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q:   Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A:   So she could lip read.
Q:   Why did God create blondes?
A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q:   Why did God create brunettes?
A:   Neither could the blondes.
Q:   Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A:   So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q:   Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A:   To turn the blinker off.
Q:   Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A:   She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q:   Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A:   To see what was on the other side.
Q:   Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A:   Because she loved children.
Q:   Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A:   She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Q:   Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A:   She liked to be filled with cream.
Q:   Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A:   It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A:   She'd just dyed her hair.
Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A:   She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q:   Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A:   Because it kept falling out.
Q:   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A:   Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
A:   Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q:   Why does it work?
A:   "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q:   Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A:   She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q:   What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A:   Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q:   What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A:   Ever-ready.
Q:   What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A:   A blond doing cartwheels.
Q:   What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A:   They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q:   What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A:   A vacant possession.
Q:   Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
A:   She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q:   Why did she finally pass her test?
A:   She took the examiner with her
Q:   Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A:   She missed the Earth!
Q:   Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A:   She blew it both times!
Q:   What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A:   They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q:   What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A:   All you have to do is scratch the box to win
Q:   Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A:   Who cares
Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A:   About 2 cans of hair spray
Q:   What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A:   Pick them up off the floor
Q:   What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A:   Nail polish!
 (Visual Joke)
Q:   What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first
     time?
A:   "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
Q:   Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A:   The vegetable garden.
Q:   How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A:   One.
Q:   What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde
     and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A:   One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
Q:   What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A:   Far-from-thinkin
Q:   Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A:   Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q:   What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A:   She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q:   Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A:   Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the
     Blonde Joke List.
Q:   What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1:  The Blonde!
A2:  The other guys waiting their turn.
Q:   What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been
     picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A:   'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q:   What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A:   "Oh look!  Donut seeds!"
Q:   What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A:   Spot.
Q:   What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A:   Air Supply.
Q:   Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A:   A blond electrician
Q:   Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1:   So brunettes can remember them.
A2:   Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q:   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q:   Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q:   What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q:   Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q:   Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A:   They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q:   What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A:   Perri-air
Q:   When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A:   When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q:   What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A:   The Air Pump!
Q:   Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A:   Because she got an F in sex.
Q:   Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A:   She missed.
Q:   Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A:   Peroxide.
Q:   What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A:   Nothing - they've never met.
Q:   What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A:   She can't say "No".
Q:   What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A:   Data transfer.
Q:   Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A:   They can't keep their calves together!
Q:   What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A:   An IN-body experience!
Q:   What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
A:   The world's first hemorrhoid transplant.
Q:   When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A:   After a dye job.
Q:   What did the South African blonde give her boyfriend?
A:   Apart-head.
Q:   What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A:   A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q:   Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde 
     drives a car?
A:   Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Q:   Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A:   'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Q:   Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A:   'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Q:   Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A:   She kept having affairs with men!
Q:   What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A:   She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q:   What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A:   144 blondes.
Q:   What is the definition of "fuck off"?
A:   The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.
Q:   What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A:   Clitty litter.
Q:   What is a bellybutton for?
A:   It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
Q:   What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
A:   The lousy view.
Q:   Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A:   Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A:   A refrigerator doesn't complain when you pull your meat out of it.
Q:   Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q:   What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A:   "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?"
Q:   Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
     death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A:   They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q:   Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A:   They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q:   What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q:   Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A:   They both drip when they're fucked.
Q:   How would a blond punctuate the following?:
    "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q:   Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A:   It swells at night.
Q:   HOW DOES A BLONDE PREPARE FOR SAFE SEX?
A:   She puts on rubber based lipstick.
Q:   What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A:   Locking the car door.
Q:   Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A:   Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q:   What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 
     5 miles of home?
A:   She moved 10 miles away.
Q:   What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A:   A blonde parade.
Q:   Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A:   They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A:   She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q:   A GUY ASKED HIS BLONDE WIFE "HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM"?
A:   She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q:   SOMEONE ASKED IF A BLONDE BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A:   She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q:   How do blonde braincells die ?
A:   Alone.
Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?
A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1:  Blow in her ear.
A2:  Buy her another beer.
Q:   How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q:   HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A:   Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q:   How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A:   Tell her she's pregnant.
Q:   What will she ask you?
A:   "Is it mine?"
Q:   How does a blonde kill a fish?
A:   She drowns it.
Q:   A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A:   Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q:   Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A:   The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q:   WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A:   Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q:   WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125?
A:   a foursome.
Q:   WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
A:   Penicillin.
Q:   What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A:   An air bag.
Q:   What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A:   B.J.
Q:   What do blondes do for foreplay?
A:   Remove their underwear.
Q:   What do blonde virgins eat?
A:   Baby food.
Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q:   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A:   (Screaming) "I said:   I'm drunk!"
Q:   WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED?
A:   A prostitoad.
Q:   Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A:   Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q:   WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
A:   It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.