THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR SOME OF THIS........

What's the definition of an accountant?
- Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way
  you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
- Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
- When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an
  undertaker.

What's an extroverted accountant?
- One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his
  own.

What's an auditor?
- Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
- Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world: those who can count
and those who can't.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
- Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the
  wrong way.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
- Depreciation.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the
value of nothing.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his
doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried
counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend
three hours trying to find it."