How To Annoy Your IRS Agent -- Take One
 
During a five-year stint with the IRS, Donna Wilson fielded  thousands of 
questions. She kept a log of the ODDEST calls she received; the following 
excerpted from her log:
 
Caller: I'm a bookkeeper and I need to know if ten $100 bills make a 
        thousand dollars or only ten hundred.
IRS:    Both. It's the same amount.
Caller: So why do I get a different answer every time I move the decimal point.
 
Caller: Could you send me some of those WD-40's?
 
Caller: Do I file married or single?
IRS:    Are you married?
Caller: Kinda.
IRS:    Excuse me?
Caller: We got married but we're not counting on it.
 
Caller: What does the law say about people who are renting to relatives and 
        taking a loss on the property?
IRS:    You have to charge the fair market value.
Caller: No problem. It's very fair. If we rented to someone else we could get 
        a lot more.
 
 ===============================================

How To Annoy Your IRS Agent -- Take Two
 
During my short employment tour with the IRS in the mail room, I've found  
several harmless ways to [mess] with them and [risk] no recourse ...
 
IMPORTANT NOTE: These methods are only recommended when you *owe* money.
 
 * Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a bunch down 
   the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes 
   have to take out any staples in the right side.
 
 * Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. 
   Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your 
   staples, rearrange your paperwork, and restaple it (on the left side).
 
 * Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before 
   you put in your forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and 
   the extractor has to open it by hand.
 
 * If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two- or three-
   party check.
 
 * On top of paying with a three-party check, pay one of the dollars you owe 
   in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, 
   he has to take it to a special desk and fill out a few nasty forms.
 
 * Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read 
   and stamped regardless of what it is or what it is written on.
 
 * Write your letter on something unshapely and unconventional. Like on the 
   back of a Kroger sack.
 
 * When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ 
   form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular 
   business-size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take 
   priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your 
   mess.
 
 * If you send 2 checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your 
   half destroyed form.
 
 * Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the 
   like have to be removed and put away.
 
 * Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to verified and 
   then date stamped.
 
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the [IRS].