More Potential Dilbert Quotes

Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what  'I'
say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When
I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work
on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could  change her
burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."  (Shipping
Executive, FTD Florists)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is  not
going to discuss it with the employees.  (AT&T Long Lines Division)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying,  "This is
to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject
mentioned above."  (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning
a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow  would be
soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have  waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!"  (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of
the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach"  used
by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the
executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's office, and was
told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I
asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts"
(pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the
memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word "pedagogical"
circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked
the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send to
my boss, he told me not to worry.  He would take care of it.  Two days
later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that no words
which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in
company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company
policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words together from the
Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)

This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo
from a large communications company:" Lucent Technologies is endeavorily
determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of
transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if
not supercede, the expectations of quality!"