New Age Vocabulary ------------------ Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here." Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. Brain Fart: A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations. CGI Joe: A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. Chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands . Cube farm: An office filled with cubicles. Cobweb Site: A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page. Dead Tree Edition: The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..." Dilberted: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome." Elvis year: The peak year of something's popularity, Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993. Glazing: Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?" Gray Matter: Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established. Idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running . It's a Feature: From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over. Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque." Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute. Prairie dogging: Something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. SITCOM: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Stress puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny. Squirt The Bird: To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?" Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating an on-line service's code of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."