ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET UNIX

Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX:

Costello:  What is the command that will tell me the revision 
           code of a program?

Abbott: Yes, that's correct.

Costello:  No, what is it?

Abbott:  Yes.

Costello:  So, which is the one?

Abbott:  No. 'which' is used to find the program.

Costello:  Stop this. Who are you?

Abbott:  Use "who am i" not "who r yoo". You can also "finger 
         yoo" to get information about "yoo".

Costello:  All I want to know is what finds the revision code?

Abbott:  Use "what".

Costello:  That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?

Abbott:  No. "true" gives you 0.

Costello:  Which one?

Abbott:  "true" gives you 0. "which programname"

Costello:  Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I 
           find it?

Abbott:  Type "find / -name it -print" to find "it". Type "what
         program" to get the revision code.

Costello:  I want to find the revision code.

Abbott:  You can't "find revisioncode", you must use 
         "what program".

Costello:  Which command will do what I need?

Abbott:  No. "which command" will find "command".

Costello:  I think I understand. Let me write that.

Abbott:  You can "write that" only if "that" is a user on your
         system.

Costello:  Write what?

Abbott:  No. "write that". "what program".

Costello:  Cut that out!

Abbott:  Yes. those are valid files for "cut". Don't forget the
         options.

Costello:  Do you always do this?

Abbott:  "du" will give you disk usage.

Costello:  HELP!

Abbott:  "help" is only used for Source Code Control System
         (SCCS).

Costello:  You make me angry.

Abbott:  No, I don't "make me" angry but I did "make program name"
         when I was upset once.

Costello:  I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

Abbott:  No "more"? "which" will help you find "more". Every
         system has "more".

Costello:  Nice help! I'm confused more now!

Abbott:  Understand that since "help" is such a small program, 
         it is better not to "nice help". and "more now" is not 
         allowed but "at now" is. Unless of course "now" is a 
         file name.

Costello:  This is almost as confusing as my PC.

Abbott:  I didn't know you needed help with "pc". Let me get you
         to the Pascal compiler team.