The Top 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support

 1.  "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"
 2.  "...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
 3.  "So -- what are you wearing?"
 4.  "Duuuuuude!  Bummer!"
 5.  "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
 6.  "Press 1 for Support.  Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 
     if you're with the FTC."
 7.  "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of 
     duct tape, and a car battery."
 8.  "I'm sorry, Dave.  I'm afraid I can't do that."
 9.  "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
10. "Hold on a second...  Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
11. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
12. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."