Redneck Computer Terms, Part 2

GOPHER : small animal that digs holes in yer lon
HACKER : granpa after 62 years of smokin
HANDSHAKING : granma with parkinsons
HARDCODE : wen the snoot in yer nose gets real dry
HARD COPY: pictur to look at when selecting tattoos
HARD DRIVE : gettin home in the muddy season with a flat tire
HARDWARE : (1) leather and spats
           (2) yer rifle and guns
HEADER : a game as in the braves are playin a dubble header
HOMEPAGE : place in the newspaper with houses for sale
IBM : anser wen teechur calls yur name
ICON : braggin as in icon lift yur truk with one arm
INDEX : what poker cards cum in
INFRARED : ware the leftovers go when Freds here
INSTALL : ware ya keep your horse
INTERACTIVE : run into the house
INTERNET : (1) wut the bait duz wen ya  catch it
           (2) ware cafeteria workers put thar hair
INTERNET EXPLORER : a currous fish
ITALIC : furriner from Roam
JAVA : strong coffee
JAVA APPLETS :  fritters for dunkin
JAZZ DRIVE ; fancy new sports car
JOYSTICK : wat you open yur pants fur
KEYBOARD : ware ya hang yur truk keys
LAN : (1) to borrow as,  Bert, lan me yur truk
      (2) the grass in fronta yur house
LAPTOP : ware the little kids jump on to sit
LASER PRINTER : fella too tired ta rite his ma
LINK : breakfast sausage
LOG ON : making a wood stove hotter
LOG OFF : takin the wood off the pile fur usin
MAC : yur kids favorite food
MAIN FRAME : wut holds up the barn roof
MANUAL : truk without automatic geers
MEGABYTE : wucha git from Meg durin luvmakin
MEGAHERTZ : (1) watcha git when yer not keerful gettin the farwood
            (2) yer head after 3 six-paks
MEMORY : watcha dont furgit
MEMORY CARD : used to cheat on tests
MENU : restarent list
MICROCHIP : wuts left in the munchie bag when the chips are gone
MICROFICHE : tiny fish used fur bait
MICROPROCESSOR : fine meat chopper fur making sausage
MICROSOFT : defrostin a TV dinner in the microwave
MICROSOFT WINDOWS : small plastic things on return envelopes
MICROSOFT WORD : whisper
MIME : belongs to me
MODEM : whacha do to the grass twisa yeer
MONITOR : teachur's helper at lunch
MOTHERBOARD : source of toothpicks
MOTOR HOUSING : a winnebago
MOUSE :  fuzzy white thing wut eats the horses grain in the barn and ya
can stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
MOUSE PAD: where Mickey and Minnie live
MULTICASTING : two actors taking turns playing a part in a play
MULTISYNC : two washing areas in the same bathroom
NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR ; leeder of fish eludin comershall fishermen
NETWORK : (1) ESPN, FOX, NBC
          (2) scoopin up a big fish befor it brakes the line
NEWSGROUP : wives gossippin
NOVELL : (1) a fictional book
         (2) a new way of doin sumthing
ONLINE: ware to stay when takin a sobriety test
ORACLE : (1) earlobe
         (2) a singin bird
OVERWRITE : what makes yur checks bounce
PACKET : wucha do to a suitcase before a trip
PASSWORD :  fore, used wen playin golf
PING : noise the truk makes wen ya use cheep gas
PIXEL : small child or fairy
PLOTTER PEN : jail for conspirators and terrorists
PLUG-IN : push the end ot the TV cord into the wall
POP : (1) Dad
      (2) coke or pepsi
POP SERVER : Mom
PORT : fancy wine
PRINTER :  fella who can't rite in handritin
PRINTOUT ; wen ya uz a eraser or whiteout to currect a misteak
PROGRAM : wuts on the TV when there's receptshun
PROGRAMMER : fella with the TV remote
PROMPT : wucha wish the mail was in mud season
PROXY SERVER : sappini deliverer wen ya cant do it yurself