How To Shower Like A Woman


Long version: (sorry, there is no short version with women)

 1. Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning b/c there
    was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 80
    degrees.

 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towelon head. If you see 
    your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh 
    immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bathroom.

 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that
    you can complain and  whine even more about how you're getting fat.

 4. Turn on the hot water only.

 5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.

 6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
    stone.

 7. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
    vitamins.

 8. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
    vitamins.

 9. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
    vitamins.

10. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with
    natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

11. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red
    and raw.

12. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake bodywash.

13. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once
    again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

14. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must
    make sure that it has all come off).

15. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and
    anyway the hair helps keep you warm.

16. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.

17. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a
    rush of cold water.

18.  Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

19. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

20. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/
    tweezers if found.

21. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see
    your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh 
    immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.




Thanks to Robert