To My Dear Boyfriend,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons 
you didn't get more than you did

       5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
     36 times you did not come home at all
     21 times you didn't cum
     33 times you came too soon
     19 times you went soft before you got in
     38 times you worked too late
     10 times you got cramps in your toes
     29 times you had to get up early to play golf
       2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the
          balls
       4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
       3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
       2 times you had a splinter in your finger
      20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
        6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
      98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc.on TV

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you  
missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you 
prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

       1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.




Thanks to John Davis