Universal Truth


Here's an ugly universal truth: No matter what stripe, what
they do for a living, where they were raised, who raised 'em, who
the first significant non-family women in their lives were, or how
(if?) they were toilet-trained, all men are slime.

Ladies, who taught you what unconditional love was?  Who packed your
lunch while you ate breakfast and then made sure you had a hot meal
each evening?  Who bandaged your skinned knee and then kissed it to
make the hurt go away?  Who read to you when you were young?  Who
taught you how to read and then gave you books that helped you
become the person you are?  Who pushed you to be good at your
schoolwork and helped edit all those papers you had to write?  Who
told you about your monthly "friend" and offered support (and handy
tips) the first time your "friend" came to visit?  Who told you
about not wearing white shoes after labor day?  Who handed out hugs
and kleenex after that first dating experience went south?  Who
bought you that first velvet dress _and_ the first pair of jeans
that made you butt look good?  Who cried when you told your parents
and your friends that you'd found the person you wanted to marry?
Probably not some guy, that's who.

Did Maggie Thatcher have a tawdry affair with a male intern in the
sitting room at 10 Downing Street?  Nope.  Assume for a second that
she did and got caught lying about it, would she have resigned?
Absolutely.  Did Benazir Bhutto or Corazon Aquino overthrow their
corrupt governments just to force all the men in their countries out
of business, education and government and back into submissive roles
in sexually repressive clothing so the women in their countries
could return to treating men as property?  No way.  Did Geraldine
Ferraro take some "himbo" on a boat trip and then flame out a
budding presidential election campaign while lying about it?  Nope.
Did Senator Dianne Feinstein get drunk, drive off a bridge and leave
a "campaign worker" (nudge, nudge) to drown as the car sank, run
away and later claim she was too deeply in shock to remember what
happened and report it to the cops?  Not a chance.  Later, did some
anonymous career-climbing woman at an advertising agency recognize
that their client's car was air-tight enough to float (at least for
a while, anyway), and then cynically come up with the "Senator, if
had been driving a VW bug, you'd be president now" ad?  Probably
not.

Who starts wars?  Men.  Who invented the handgun as a metaphor for
their wee-wee and then used it in testosterone-poisoned wee-wee
waving contests to spurt death on America's streets?  Men.  Who
threatened the existence of all life on earth by building weapons
shaped like their less-than-adequate sexual organs?  Men.  Who
decided the best place to keep those flying phalluses of death was
safely tucked in a hole (now _there's_ a Freudian image, no?)  Men.
Who invented the speculum and the refrigerator they keep it in?
Men.  Who invented latex clothing, girdles, pointy toed "FM" shoes
and then birth control pills so they can live out their sexual
fantasies without any down-side after playtime's over?  Men.  Hell,
who frustrated millions as payback by inventing Windows-9x because
he couldn't get a date and then went on to become the richest person
without a sex life in all of human history?  A geeky guy.

Ladies, think back in your own lives to all the times that people
have manipulated you, lied to you, cheated you, cheated on you, put
you down and then acted to keep you there, disappointed you by
breaking a promise or just plain didn't live up to that picture your
Mom drew for you of what an ideal adult role-model ought to be.  Now
put faces to those people.  Mostly men, right?  Maybe even all men.

See, all men _are_ slime... even the good ones (whose sliminess is
only in remission, not cured).

There! I feel clean now.

So, how 'bout it, babe?  Are we on for tonight?



Thanks to Ziggy