Here are a couple more classic Court transquips, all recorded by the keepers 
of the word in various parts of the world...


CLERK:    Please repeat after me:   "I swear by Almighty God..."
WITNESS:  "I swear by Almighty God."
CLERK:    "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS:  That's right.
CLERK:    Repeat it.
WITNESS:  "Repeat it".
CLERK:    No!  Repeat what I said.
WITNESS:  What you said when?
CLERK:    "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS:  "That the evidence that I give."
CLERK:    "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS:  It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK:    Please, just repeat after me:   "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS:  I'm not a scholar, you know.
CLERK:    We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me:  "Shall be the truth 
          and..."
WITNESS:  "Shall be the truth and."
CLERK:    Say:  "Nothing...".
WITNESS:  Okay.  (Witness remains silent.)
CLERK:    No!Don't say nothing.  Say:  "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS:  Yes.
CLERK:    Can't you say:  "Nothing but the truth..."?
WITNESS:  Yes.
CLERK:    Well?  Do so.
WITNESS:  You're confusing me.
CLERK:    Just say:  "Nothing but the truth...".
WITNESS:  Is that all?
CLERK:    Yes.
WITNESS:  Okay.  I understand.
CLERK:    Then say it.
WITNESS:  What?
CLERK:    "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS:  But I do!  That's just it.
CLERK:    You must say:  "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS:  I WILL say nothing but the truth!
CLERK:    Please, just repeat these four words:  "Nothing", "But", "The", 
          "Truth".
WITNESS:  What? You mean, like, now?
CLERK:    Yes!  Now.  Please.  Just say those four words.
WITNESS:  "Nothing.  But.  The.  Truth."
CLERK:    Thank you.
WITNESS:  I'm just not a scholar.
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LAWYER:   On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down 
          the footpath to the cowshed?
WITNESS:  I did.
LAWYER:   And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duckpond?
WITNESS:  I did.
LAWYER:   And did you observe anything?
WITNESS:  I did.  (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER:   Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?
WITNESS:  I saw George.
LAWYER:   You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?
WITNESS:  Yes.
LAWYER:   Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?
WITNESS:  Yes.  (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER:   Well, would you kindly do so?
WITNESS:  He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.
LAWYER:   His "thing"?
WITNESS:  You know...His thing.His di... I mean, his penis.
LAWYER:   You passed close by the duckpond, the light was good, you were sober, 
          you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?
WITNESS:  Yes.
LAWYER:   Did you say anything to him?
WITNESS:  Of course I did!
LAWYER:   What did you say to him?
WITNESS:  "Morning, George."