(White writing on a plain black sticker) BUMPER STICKER

        * The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

        * Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.

        * Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

        * Born free... taxed to death.

        * The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

        * Some people are alive only becuse it's illegal to kill them.

        * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

        * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

        * Horn broken, watch for finger.

        * All men are idiots ... I married thier king.

        * Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

        * Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

        * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

        * Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.

        * I love cats ... dead ones

        * I love cats ... they taste just like chicken

        * Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

        * Keep honking, I'm reloading.

        * Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

        * Hang up and drive.             

        * Happiness is a belt-fed weapon

        * Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

        * Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

        * Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

        * The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

        * I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
          vegetarian.

        * Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

        * It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

        * When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is
          like the tax department

        * Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

        * Wink, I'll do the rest!

        * Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

        * I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

        * When there's a will, I want to be in it!

        * I love animals...the're delicious.

        * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of
          meat?

        * Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its
          students!

        * It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

        * Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn
          Signal !

        * Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

        * Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

        * I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of
          yourself.

        * Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill 
          your drink.

        * Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling to good myself.

        * We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

        * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

        * He/She who laughs last thinks slowest

        * A dirty mind is a terribble thing to waste.

        * Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

        * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

        * Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

        * Beam me up Scotty, there are no virgins left.

        * Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!

        * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

        * i souport publik edekasion

        * Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

        * 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

        * Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

        * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

        * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you
          can find a rock.

        * 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

        * Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

        * Keep grandma off the streets - support bingo

        * Leaky Thermonuclear Erection

        * Hang up and drive idiot

        * Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians

        * It's only kinky the first time