Cynical questions & comments

There was live coverage of Princess Di's funeral, Sonny Bono's funeral and now 
Harry Caray's. It's just a matter of time before cable has the Funeral Channel.

If anyone had told me that becoming overweight was this uncomfortable, I never '
would have allowed it to happen.

We have school uniforms, zero-tolerance policies, Internet in the classrooms, and 
our kids are still the dumbest in the modern world.

I really hope diversity is our strength because US test scores show that education 
certainly isn't.

If you can possibly work it out, I would highly recommend having your grandchildren 
first.

My wife told me if God wanted her to touch her toes, He'd put diamonds on the floor.

My husband is constantly smiling because I have two college degrees:  a bachelor's in
the kitchen and a master's in the bedroom.

Isn't it strange that the word "phonics" begins with the letter p?

I have Caller ID, and it is most helpful. I do not block my name and number, and I do 
not answer calls from people who block theirs.

It is just me, or does it seem like CNN and some other news organizations wanted a war 
a lot more than the rest of us?

Want to know what we stay-at-home moms do all day? We smoke pot, drink beer and watch 
soap operas all day. Then, at 4 p.m. we wave our magic wand, and all the chores are done.