Actual headlines

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     SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS 
     POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS 
     SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED 
     DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE 
     SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS 
     FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE 
     IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS 
     IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS? 
     STUD TIRES OUT 
     PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE 
     PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER 
     SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN 
     BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS 
     LUNG CANCER IN WOMAN MUSHROOMS 
     EYE DROPS OFF SHELF 
     TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS 
     REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD 
     SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM 
     SHOT OFF WOMAN'S LEG HELPS NICKLAUS TO 66 
     ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX 
     PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD 
     MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH 
     JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT 
     STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE 
     TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES 
     TWO SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER 
     KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS 
     NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES INFECTION FROM LOVED ONE 
     DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1000 IN 1984 
     WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE 
     IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE 
     COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES 
     ENFIELS COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE 
     RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE 
     DEER KILL 17,000 
     TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETARY; HUNDREDS DEAD 
     MAN STUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE 
     CARELESS MATING BREEDS TROUBLE