It takes a certain amount of skill to write signs, to condense often
complex instructions into a few simple words.  When you must write the
sign in a foreign language, your task becomes downright dicey.  After
all, a lot can get lost in the translation.  Here are a few English(?)
signs collected in Foreign Service travels:

Outside a Hong Kong dress shop:
LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.

In a Rhodes, Greece tailor shop:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT.  BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH WE WILL EXECUTE
CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

In the Nairobi, Kenya Daily Nation newspaper:
THE NEW AGA KHAN SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE
CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Advertisement in the Hong Kong Post:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION
HAS BEEN PLAYED.

In a Rome, Italy laundry:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD
TIME.

In a Prague, Czechoslovakia travel agency:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS--WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Vientiane, Laos:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window of a Stockholm furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

Detour highway sign in Kyushi, Japan:
STOP!  DRIVE SIDEWAYS.

In a Zermatt, Switzerland inn:
SPECIAL TODAY--NO ICE CREAM.

In a Bangkok, Thailand temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

In a Tokyo, Japan bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Copenhagen, Denmark airline ticket office:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

Two different signs from shop entrances in Cadiz, Spain:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING.  HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN.

From menu of a restaurant in Engelberg, Switzerland:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In window of a Lusaka, Zambia dry cleaner:
DROP YOUR PANTS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS.

Welcome sign in Hotel Ukraine room, Moscow, Russia:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO SOVIET UNION YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT!

Sign in lobby of Hotel Lugano, Rome, Italy:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY.  DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.