The Top 15 Signs Your Luge Run Isn't Going So Well

15.   Sufficient speed?  Check.  Firm turns?  Check.  Pants?  Uh oh.

14.   Four guys in a bobsled keep flashing their lights at you.

13.   Your wife runs alongside cheering for a good nine turns.

12.   Your "luge" is actually a tray from the Olympic Village Commissary.

11.   One bad bump finds you bulleting through Nagano's sewer system.

10.   Your face seems to be creating more drag than the sled runners did.

  9.   A flash of orange, a loud thump, and then "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!  
       The bastards!"

  8.   "Think I'll use 'Rosebud' today."

  7.   G-forces have peeled off both your suit and your Snowlets Underoos.

  6.   Michelle Kwan just passed you.

  5.   Faint odor of smoking buttcheeks getting stronger by the second.

  4.   Beans for lunch + Spandex Suit = Hot Air Balloon

  3.   Sure, the sundress is killer, but it's wreaking havoc on your aerodynamics, 
       dude.

  2.   In retrospect, perhaps kissing the sled for good luck at 30 below wasn't such 
       a great idea.


    and the Number 1 Sign Your Luge Run Isn't Going So Well...


  1.   Your partner breathlessly whispers that that's not the emergency brake poking 
       you in the back.