Things you'll probably never hear:

From an auto mechanic:
"That part is much less expensive than I thought."
"I've never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do."
"You can get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street."
"It was just a loose wire. No charge."

From your son's preschool teacher:
"Everyone misbehaved today except Michael."
"Michael traded his candy bar for carrot sticks."
"I wish we had 20 Michaels."

From a store clerk:
"The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases 
with a pencil and paper."
"I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers."
"We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it upat your home 
and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer."

From a contractor:
"Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing."
"I think I came in a little high on that estimate."

From the dentist:
"I think you're flossing too much."
"I won't ask you any questions until I take the pick out of your mouth."

From a restaurant server:
"I think it's presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his name, but since you 
ask, it's Tim."
"I was slow and inattentive. I cannot accept any tip."