Pregnancy Dictionary 

afterbirth--when the hard part begins. 

cravings--an excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy. 

dilation--one of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's 
          word for. 

elastiphobia--fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for 
              "Most Stretch Marks." 

first trimester--the first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it 
                 too late to hire a surrogate mother?" 

maternity clothes--what a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason 
                   she's fat. 

miracle--1 the birth of a baby. 2 The fact that you lived to tell about it. 

obstetrician--the doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're 
              caught in the jaws of death. 

pregnant pause--the amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to 
                get out of a chair. 

prenatal--when your life was still your own. 

pushing--the final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of 
         a dime. 

second trimester--the time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if 
                  I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?" 

third trimester--the final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer 
                 can I keep from waddling?"