Growing Older

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.

You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin looking middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You join a health club,and don't go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

You decide to procrastinate, but then never get around to it.

You're still chasing women/men, but can't remember why.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high, trying to get used to your bi-focals.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is...'25 years ago today.

You turn out the light for economic, rather than romantic, reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair, and can't make it go.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You regret all those mistakes of resisting temptation.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist and 96 around the golf course.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

Dialing long distance tires you out.

You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.

You remember today, that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

You just can't stand intolerant people.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m.

Your back goes out more than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

The little gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercised.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.