You Might be An ER Physician If... 

- You believe 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm. 
- Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly 
  normal to you. 
- You believe a good tape job will fix anything. 
- You have the bladder capacity of five normal people. 
- You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio. 
- Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change. 
- You find humor in other people's stupidity. 
- You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac. 
- You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see. 
- You have your weekends off planned a year in advance. 
- When a patient presents with a list of medicine allergies you 
  automatically assume they are a drug
- seeker or a patient of Dr. Solotkin. 
- Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose 
  restraint. 
- You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't 
  have to deal with 
  them any longer. 
- You believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis. 
- You believe the govt should require a permit to reproduce. 
- You plan your dinner while performing gastric lavage. 
- You believe that "Ask-A-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by 
  Satan. 
- You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase 
  "Wow, it's really quiet" us uttered. 
- You refer to Friday as "Dump Day". 
- Your diet consists of food that has undergone more processing 
  than most computers. 
- You believe chocolate is a food group. 
- When someone calls you a bastard, you take it as a compliment. 
- When you are out in public you compliment a complete stranger 
  on their good veins. 
- You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the 
  "Eternal Care Unit". 
- You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate. 
- You have ever referred to someones death as a "Celestial Discharge".
- You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call (See "Ask-A-Nurse"
  above.) 
- You refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf". 
- Your idea of a really good time is Duelling Shock Rooms. 
- You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide... Getting 
  it right". 
- You believe that "Too Stupid to Live" should be a diagnosis. 
- You have ever had to leave a patients room before you began laughing
  uncontrollably.