If Microsoft Built Cars


 1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, 
    instead of before. 

 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car. 

 3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it.  
    For some strange reason, you would just accept this. 

 4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a 
    car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats. 

 5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.  (Wait a second -- 
    it's that way NOW!)

 6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 
    5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads. 

 7. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a 
    single "General Car Fault" warning light. 

 8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, 
    forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years. 

 9. We would still be waiting for the "6000 sux 58'" model to come out. 

10. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm). 

11. Lee Iacocca would be hired-on as Bill G's chauffeur. 

12. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker,instead of 
    giving them. 

13. Ford, General Motors and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft 
    was putting a radio in all its models. 

14. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 

15. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car 
    to shutdown and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall 
    the engine. 

16. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times 
    as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of 
    the roads. 

17. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 

18. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. 

19. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and 
    refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn 
    the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 

20. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand 
    McNally road maps (now a GM subidiary), even though they neither need them 
    nor want them.  Attempting to delete this option would immediatley cause 
    the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.  Moreover, GM would 
    become a target for investigation by the Justice Department

21. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to 
    drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same 
    manner as the old car. 

22. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.