Recipe for Windoze 95 


Ingredients: 

2 cups of Windows 3.1 

1 cup of Windows for Workgroups 3.11 

1 tbps of Microsoft Lan Man 

1/2 cup Netware WINUP9.ZIP from ftp.novell.com 

1 cup free Microsoft 32bit TCP/IP from their BBS 

1 cup of MS-DOS 

1 cup of OS/2 Warp 

1/2 cup of 32-bit developers extensions to Windows 

1 cup Internet Explorer 

1 large mixing bowl 

1 saucepan 

1 oven set at 350 

In saucepan on low, boil WFW311 until only networking items remain. 
Combine MS 32bit TCP/IP, LanMan and Netware, stirring constantly to 
ensure an even mix. 

In large mixing bowl, place regular Win311. Massage until device driver 
structure is totally unrecognizable, guarenteeing most current drivers 
unrunnable. Replace with unknown and proprietary drivers, making sure 
to only add support for the most popular hardware options. 

Place the MS-DOS onto a cutting board. With a large meat cleaver, hack 
off Doublespace, Backup, and half of the useful DOS commands. Place the 
remains into the bowl, setting aside the hidden files MSDOS.SYS 

Place OS/2 Warp on cutting board, hack off HPFS, Crash-proofing, pre-emptive 
multitasking, and everything else useful, leaving something that resembles 
the  Workplace Shell in appearance. Place this into bowl. 

With hidden boot files from MSDOS, CAREFULLY combine with 32-bit extensions. 
Place into bowl. 

With large wooden spoon, vigorously mix contents in bowl, permitting computer 
rag reporters occasional glimpses into the mess. 

Glaze with FREE Internet Explorer until Netscape is removed from the batter 

Place contents into bread pan and bake at a low heat for a couple of years. 
When a Microsoft application can be inserted and withdrawn without clumps 
sticking, pronounce done. (It doesn't matter if non-Microsoft apps stick or not). 

I almost forgot the last line of the Recipe! 

Ram unpalatable mixture down the public's throat! 

Not to mention: Write on the package 'All New Formula' 

When done do it all over again