Air Farce

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by 
US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:

Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution:  "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem:  "No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution:  "No. 2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem:  "No. 1, No. 3, and No. 4 Propellers lack normal 
           seepage."


Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution:  "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution:  "Evidence removed."

Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution:  "Live bugs on order."

Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm 
           descent."
Solution:  "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
Solution:  "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution:  "That's what they're there for."

Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
Solution:  "Engine found on right wing after brief search."