Assorted Limericks

There was a young man from Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said, "I admit,
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save."


There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose tool was terribly bent;
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.


There was an old Bishop of Bings
Whose mind wandered off higher things,
His only desire
Was a boy from the choir
With an arsehole like jelly on springs.


An accident rather uncanny
Befell a respectable granny
She sat on a chair
While her false teeth were there
And bit herself right on the fanny.


A clever young harlot from Kew
Filled up her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in
They can pay to get out of it too!"


In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Just stroking the butt of his madam;
He was quaking with mirth,
For in all of the Earth,
There were only two balls, and he had 'em.


There once was an old man from Esser,
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a College Professor.


There was a young bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He replied "Yes, I know.
It's just that it's always been a steadfast rule of mine to fit as many words
into the last line that I possibly... can.


There was a mathematician named Hall
Who had hexahedronical balls
and the cube of their weight
times his pecker plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call