AUDI:
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW: 
Break my windows,
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK:
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET: 
Cranks Hard, Every Valve Rattles.  Oil leaks Every Time.
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE: 
Dead Or Dying Garage Equipment
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT: 
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Found In Any Tip
Found It At Tip
Found In A Terror

FERRARI: 
Fast, Expressive Red Racing Auto - Rahrahrah Italia

FORD: 
Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge
First On Race Day
Fubar On Race Day
Fixed On Race Day
Fix or Repair Daily
Found on Rubbish Dump
Fucked on Race Day
Fools Only Risk Driving
First on Race Day.
Fragile Old Rusty Deathtraps
Full Of Rust & Defects
Fragile Overpriced Rusty Deathtraps
Ford Owners Root Dogs
Fixed Or Repaired Daily
backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

GM:
General Maintenance

GMC:
Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HOLDEN:
Holes Oil Leaks Dents Engine Noises
Heap Of Loud Diff & Engine Noises
Heaps of Lumps, Dents, Engine Noises
Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now
Heaps Of Little Dirty Engine Nuts
Horrible Old Limo Drives Extremely Nasty

HONDA:
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else

HYUNDAI:
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

IPEC: 
I Pass Every Cunt

MAZDA:
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MITSUBISHI:
Miniature Imported Terribly Substandard Underpowered Boring  &
Incredibly Secondrate Honda Imitation

MOPAR: 
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly

NISSAN:
Nasty Immoral Salesmen Selling Automotive Nightmares

OLDSMOBILE:
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PONTIAC:
Product Only Needs To Imitate A Chevrolet

SAAB: 
Stick At Aircraft Building
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TORANA:
Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration

TOYOTA:
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO:
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Various Old Lady Victim Owners
Vehicle Of Longsighted Vacant Occupants
Very Old Lame Vehicle Owners

VW:
Virtually Worthless