Neil's Missing Jokes Why did the guy call his dog Herpes? Because he wouldn't heel. What do you get when you cross a rooster with M&M's? A cock that melts in your mouth not in your hands. Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? To smell like big girls. What's the difference between a hog and a man? A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can fuck some pig. How do you circumcise a whale? Send down fore-skin divers. How does a whale have oral sex? He bites the end off a submarine and sucks out the semen. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. What did the worm say to the caterpillar? What did you do to get that fur coat. What did the worm say looking out the birds ass? You wouldn't shit me - would you. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a bull that's playing with himself? Beef Strokenoff. What's green and smells like pork? Kermits finger. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes. What's green and red and goes 1000 miles an hour? A frog in a blender. What do you get when you cross a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Why did the elephant wear tennies? Because the elevenies were to big. What do elephants use for condoms? The Good Year Blimp. What did the elephant say to the naked man? How can you breathe through that. . What do elephant's use for tampons? Sheep. What goes "marc, marc"? A dog with a hair lip. What goes "nort, nort"? A bull with a cleft palate. What do you get when you cross a deer with a pickle? A dildo. What do tupperware and walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal. What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind as it hits the windshield? Its asshole. What do elephants use for vibrators? Epileptics. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Why did the British Ships come back from the Falklands full of sheep? War brides.