You Know It's Hot Outside When...


-  You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning
   as much as possible
-  You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man
-  The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra tasty crispy"
-  The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper
-  Your pool water starts to boil in the sun
-  The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot
-  Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans
-  A scalding hot show still cools you down
-  People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames
-  A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned
   restaurants
-  The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves
-  You need a spatula to remove your clothing
-  When the beer gut and the butt crack don't keep you from wearing shorts
-  You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather
-  You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
-  Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell
-  The black flies are dropping faster than yours is
-  You are sitting inside reading these jokes
-  Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips