Quickies 15


One difference between whiskey and children is that whiskey improves 
with age!
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Never raise a finger to your child... use the entire hand! 
A pat on the back for encouragement: a bit lower and harder when 
necessary.
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Of course kids are confused, today! At home their folks tell the dog
to "Speak" and the kids to "Shut up!"
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My son's on the verge of adulthood and is really scared by the sign I
put in his room: CHECK OUT TIME IS EIGHTEEN YEARS!
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Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the 
nativity story out of the big family bible. When my son was old enough
to talk, he asked me what a stable was. I thought for a moment how to
explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, "It's
something like your sister's room, but without a stereo."
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When my daughters were little, they'd play house with the neighborhood
boys. When they got older, the boys wanted to play "Dude Ranch." My
daughters asked how you played "dude ranch." Basically, it's the same
as playing house, but with a lot more horsing around.
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Christmas is the time of year when we can give back to our children
everything they have given us: but how do you gift-wrap high blood 
pressure?
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Until recently, my household consisted of a cat that answered to "Here
Kitty,' a dog that answered to, "C'mon boy!" and three kids that would
not answer to anybody!
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The best time to shop for food is when the kids aren't hungry: which
is why we could never take the kids to the store.
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Teach your children to find themselves: If they want to find themselves 
at the dinnertable, they need to find a job.
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Got my son a tee-shirt that says THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE.
It cost fourteen bucks!
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A journey of a thousand miles usually begins with but a single step.
It's usually a five-year-old going back to use the bathroom!
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I'm worried about some of these hate groups are getting into the 
summer camp business. One counsler's got a funny haircut and
goofy little mustache. He works at a place called MEIN KAMP
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The problem with having children isn't that you have another mouth to
feed, but one that, when they become teen-agers, you'll have to listen
to.
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