Baseball Puns

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to 
Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappoint-
ment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, 
Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience, "And the Americans, 
they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood 
up and looked at me and sang.... 'Jose, can you see?'"


The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had 
thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities -- Ceres, the goddess of 
agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and beginnings.  Everyone  
overdid it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that 
the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. .... 
This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.


There once was a king who was loved by all of his subjects, especially because 
of the hunting excursions he arranged and shared with them. As will happen, 
the king died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this new king was an 
animal lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of hunting and 
fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time before they finally 
ousted him. This was a truly a significant event because it's the first time a 
reign was ever called on account of game.


Several years ago, the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra had scheduled 
Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Zubha Mehta. At the last moment 
Mehta became ill and it was necessary to find a substitute. They were able 
to convince Professor Theodore Badder from U. C. L. A. Classical Music 
Department, an expert in Beethoven's Symphonies and a noted conductor in 
his own right, to pinch-hit. The Fourth Movement of Beethoven's Choral 
Symphony, as it is better known, is unusual in several ways. First it uses not 
only a chorus but several soloists as instruments during the famous "Ode to 
Joy" in the fourth movement.  

Second, the bass players hate playing Beethoven's 9th. There's a long 
segment in this movement where the bass viols don't have a thing to do... 
not a single note for page after page! It had been decided that during this 
performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of 
the last movement that they were to quietly lay down their instruments and 
leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for 
twenty minutes. Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that 
they have a few brews. They had quickly downed the first couple beers when 
one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back to our seats? It'd be awfully embarrassing
if we were late." Another (presumably the one who suggested drinking in the first 
place) replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string 
around the pages of the conductor's score. Badder's has had to slow the tempo 
way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string 
with he other." So they had another round and when finally returned to their 
chairs a little tipsy by now one look at their conductor's face told them they were 
in serious trouble. And if you thought things couldn't get worse, both first stand 
players soon passed out right in their chairs! Badder was furious and on the verge 
of completely losing it, as he began making gestures at the musicians while trying 
to finish the piece while flipping tied pages. After all, .... 
It was the last of the Ninth, The. Badder was a pinch-hitter, the score was tied, 
the basses were loaded, and two men were out.