A scientist named Walter invented a shrinking ray. He tried it on himself, and it 
worked. Unfortunately he couldn't reverse the process, and he was stuck being 
the size of a normal man's thumb. He had a loyal lab assistant who worked with 
him, though, so his diminuitive size didn't affect Walter's work too much. Still, 
after a while, Walter began to long for female companionship. 

His lab assistant thought up a highly unethical plan. He planned to get a couple 
of ladies of the night, shrink them down to Walter's size, and keep them shrunk 
until they could figure out a way to reverse the process. The lab assistant went 
to Times Square and tried to get the young ladies, but it was trickier than it seemed. 
They were reluctant to travel all the way to the lab, but the lab assistant offered to 
double their usual rate, so they finally agreed. As soon as they stepped into the 
lab, the assistant turned on the shrinking ray. There was a flash of light and a puff 
of smoke, and when the air had cleared --- the prostitutes were exactly the same 
size as they were before! 

"What's the big idea? Eek!" One of the prostitutes saw Walter scurrying across the
 floor and squashed him flat with her shoe. 

Walter was dead, and the experiment was ruined. This was all because the lab assistant 
forgot what everyone already knows .... you can lead the whores to Walter, but you 
can't make 'em shrink..


AND


Far off in another galaxy was a planet inhabited only by walking, talking flowers. The 
king, a red carnation, had fallen in love with a common daisy. Unfortunately, she was 
far below his station, and in addition to having a rather spotty reputation, she posessed 
an equally spotty education. It was clear she would never fit in with royalty. 

The king's ministers suggested that the only way he could possibly marry this lovely 
young daisy was to educate her in the ways of higher society. 

He hired the very best teachers he could find. They drilled her in all the fine arts, taking 
her to the opera and to the ballet. They introduced her to the best literature, and to 
philosophy. Every thing they did however, seemed lost on the king's intended bride. 
None of the teaching had any effect. Their efforts continued on and on, but she never 
showed a glimmer of inteligence. At last, the king, in utter defeat, cried out, 

"It's no use! .... I can lead a horticulture, but I can't make her think!"