Pun Re-Write


A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and
is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
        
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers 
that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In 
desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable 
looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant. The 
bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I 
guess you can come in, ....


This joke was sent to the PUNY and  Plentiful Puns, Generous Groaners
mailing lists with a request for additional punch lines. This is what was received



        1.   just don't start anything."

        2.   just don t do anything shocking

        3.   as long as you pay cash. We don t accept charges.

        4.   I guess so. I checked your tab. And you re current.

        5.  "just don't try to jump any of the girls."

        6.  "just keep positive."

        7.  "No cable....We have a satellite dish...."

        8.  "I'm not going to server you... obviously you're already wired!"

        9.  "This is a rough crowd... be careful you don't get jumped!"

        10.  "You're late... the booster club meeting was yesterday!"

        11.  The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes  and then 
               says, "What's that supposed to be?" Man replies, ... "This is a 
               power tie."

        12.  "Fine, just don't be forcibly jumping anybody tonight!"

        13.  "Fine, just don't be coupling in public, because if you arc, other
               customers might find it to be an electrifying experience."

        14.   I didn't mean to jump on you earlier.

        15.  The bounser looks him over and asks,  Why are you wearing that
               cable . The man answers,  I don't want to talk about it. I'm 
               terminally ill.

        16.   Just don't start anything." If he did, could he be charged with battery?

        17.  Just don't do anything shocking  or revolting..

        18.   As long as you pay cash. We don't accept charges.  At least, not 
               at the current time.

        19.   But are you facing any battery charges?

        20.   And he said  "Are you positive I can enter?"

        21.   Do you get Cable in here?

        22.   You're a reVOLTing fellow.

        23.   Do you have an anti-acid I could take? I'm really drained.

        24.   I'm surprised that they even let you in the door... There is a BIG
               sign just inside the doorway that reads  THIS IS A DRUG-FREE 
               ESTABLISHMENT and you, sir, are obviously wired!

        25.  BOUNCER  I'm sorry, I didn't realize your condition was terminal.
              GUY  Oh it's isn't. My tests came back negative.
              BOUNCER  Are you positive?
              GUY  That's what acid.
              BOUNCER  Then I'll have to charge more.
              GUY  Wire you doing that?
              BOUNCER   Your father called and said you were supposed to be 
                                 grounded.

        26. GUY  Hi, Bouncer person, don't mind me just continue on your 
                       circuit.
              BOUNCER  No, follow my lead.
              GUY  No, I don't find that a very attractive offer! Go ahead call 
                       the coppers!
              BOUNCER  Does my size not phase you?
              GUY  Hey, what kind of business are you conducting here?
              BOUNCER  I'm not a cunductor, sir; I induct members. Now show me 
                                the proper cache flow.
              GUY  How am I suppose to produce that kind of currentcy?
              BOUNCER  Are you trying to short me?
              GUY   How about an  I Ohm You?
              BOUNCER  Watt is that a choke?

         27.   hey....WATTever, dude.....

And finally from Gary Hallock

         28.  So the CABLE guy with the SHOCKING necktie got really WIRED and
                started GOING & GOING & GOING on about what a heart BREAKER 
                his TRANSFORMER girlfriend was, how he could never RESISTOR, 
                and how much he liked to JUMPER bones in the evenings when she 
                would come INSULATE.  WIRE NUTS like this allowed to ROMEX 
                large?   EVEREADY to be done with this tale which failed to 
                ENERGIZER but reFUSED to die, CynMac decided to pull the PLUG 
                on this REVOLTING creep herself. She picked up the ALKALINE to 
                CONTACT the COPPERS.  She begged them take the NICAD and put 
                him in A CELL.  The cops told her, "They don't make A-CELLS 
                anymore."      
                "Isn't DURACELL you can put him in until he sobers up?" she WIND 
                 "The only DRY CELL we have is the drunk tank."  Said the cop. 
                 "It's a DOUBLE A." "A/C what you mean. Well that's D-CELL 
                 that gets my VOLT then." CynMac efFUSED. "But A, only if it's 
                 not too much TRIPLE! I hope he gets STRANDED there forever and 
                 dies of some horrible D/Cs," she TOWED herself. I imagine that 
                 would BOOSTER spirits.



Thanks to Stan Kegel