Stubby Tails


In 1772 Joseph Haydn met and fell in love with a beautiful East Indian
lady. Although baroque and forte, he composed himself. After going to
some treble, his pitch worked and they were in tune. It was, truly, ... 
a Haydn-Sikh affair!  (By Pete Kinvic)

Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill
toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So I went outside to take
the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left  I
overheard my daughter, Jennifer, saying, "There goes Dad again, . . .
making fountains out of mole hills.  (By Terry Tallis)

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females.
One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and dives down
toward her. "Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, . . . but is
this stool taken?"

Last summer, frozen food companies had trouble finding qood-quality
vegetables for processing. because of the dry weather. As a result, ... 
many were culled but few were frozen.

Did you know that Paul Revere had an English barber who used to visit
him secretly at night? One evening, Paul's wife got suspicious. She
listened at his study door and finally called out, "What's going on in
there?"
"It's all right, my dear,' Paul called back. . . . "The British are combing!"

In another part of the United States, after the wife of a well-known
swindler had had her kitchen remodelled and asked her husband how to pay
the contractor, he said, "Give him some of that new money I've just
printed. After all, . . .  he's a counter fitter."

Consider, if you will, the case of the awkward bumble-bee who became
ill while gathering pollen but continued to work. Unfortunately, he thus
infected all the flowers with his virus. The consequences are recorded
in the annals of horticulture as . . . the blight of the fumble bee.

Did you hear about about the circus freak who was billed as "The
World's Tallest Man." Unfortunately, when he became concerned about his
weight he decided to give up eating butter and switched to Crisco,
without stopping to realize that . . . it is shortening.

There was a painter who once lived in San Francisco. He specialized in
painting dock scenes and the fishing boats tied alongside. A very short
person, he soon became known internationally as . . . San Francisco's
Fisherman's Dwarf.

An airplane that was forced to return to the airport after colliding
with a flock of geese. Of course, as soon as it had landed the airport
mechanics . . .  rushed out to take a gander. (By James Hotchkiss Jr.)

Mary Poppins once ran a donut shoppe that was especially popular with
everyone from all around. Why? . . .  The super-calorie, delicious,
extra-jelly donuts!

The young man was trying to impress his Jewish girlfriend during
Hanukkah and was totally shocked when she slapped him after he asked  .
. . he could light-up her labia minora. (By Rainboux)

When Scrooge died and the town dog catcher was sent to pick up his dog,
it attacked him so fiercely that he cried, . . .  "The cur is worse than
the deceased!"

Open only from 7 P. M. until midnight, the  U.S. Treasury facility at
Burbank, California is known as . . . the world's largest after-dinner
mint. (By John C. Wilson)