FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down 
and look comfortable.

You can keep those other breeds of dogs. I got myself a laborer recliner.

I called the suicide hot line yesterday and when I told him how much money 
I lost in the market, he told me to just go ahead.

Would it be racist to have a white million man and a white million woman 
march in Washington?

If you really want a gourmet meal, try Beanie Weenies with soda crackers 
and a big dill pickle.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

Wouldn't it be great if there as an "edit undo" button in life?

If you are incompetent, don't worry. Just think, in a few years you'll be 
in upper management!

I thought that it was pretty cool when I married Miss Wright; that is until 
I found out that her first name was Always!

No one is ever totally useless. They can always serve as a bad example.

I'm 60 years old, and I see absolutely no advantage to growing up!

I just checked a height/weight chart and found out that I am 4 inches too 
short.

When God handed out good lives ... why did He give one to me?

Honk if you're illiterate