THINGS WILL ROGERS NEVER SAID
(But probably wishes he had)

-- The human brain is the apparatus with which we think we think.

-- If you watch a game, it's fun.  If you play it, it's recreation.  
   If you work at it, it's golf!

-- You can always tell a man who's head of the house.  He's a bachelor.

-- Drive-in banks were established so that automobiles could see their 
   real owners occasionally.

-- Be loyal to your boss because the next one might be worse.

-- The fellow who blows his horn the loudest is usually in the biggest 
   fog.

-- Her birthday cake had so many candles on it she was fined  for air 
   pollution.

-- We are only young once.  That is all society can stand.

-- Bigamy is the only law on the books where two rites make a wrong.

-- Only one out of four women who die go to heaven.  Any more and it 
   would be hell!