More Quips & Quotes

I'M being fired for LACK OF PRODUCTION?  Are you kidding?  Why, I've won over 
$5,000 playing solitaire on my computer THIS WEEK ALONE!  
--G. Wise & L. Aldrich

How many roads must a man go down before he will stop and ask directions?!!?  
--Michelle Argabrite

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.  Men invade another 
country.  
--Elayne Boosler

I've been feeling really apathetic lately.  Like today -- Jimmy cracked corn, 
but I don't care.  
--Howie Mandell

Any girl can be glamorous.  All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.  
--Hedy Lamarr

To me, the greatest book of all time is "The Bible" because of all that religious 
stuff in it!  
--Jim Rosenberg

It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.  
--Doug Larson

Ever notice that PRICE and WORTH mean the same thing, but priceless and worthless 
are opposites?  
--Jay Trachman

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as 
his wife thinks he does.  
--Ann Landers

A dog doesn't want much and is happy to get it.  A cat doesn't know what it wants 
and wants more of it.  
--Richard Hexem

Remember that as a teen-ager, you are in the last stage of your life where you will 
be happy to hear the phone is for you.  
--Fran Lebowitz

We act as though comforts and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all 
that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.  
--Charles Kingsley

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.  
--Gilda Radner

Life is not a laughing matter -- but you can imagine having to live with laughing?  
--Leonid Sukhorukov

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea 
of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone. 
--Andy Rooney

People who think they are thinking, are merely rearranging their prejudices.  
--J Parodi, late 20th c philosopher

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is 
it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  
--Linda Ellerbee