STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES:

- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour
  before getting out of the water?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- If white wine goes with fish,
  do white grapes go with sushi?
- If a mute swears,
  does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
- If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek,
  does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them,
  would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
- Just "before" someone gets nervous,
  do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
- When sign makers go on strike,
  is anything written on their picket signs?
- When you open a new bag of cotton balls,
  is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper,
  does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- I stayed in a really old hotel last night.
  They sent me a wake-up letter.
- I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby,
  I'm just having trouble breathing.
- Whenever I think of the past,
  it brings back so many memories ...
- There's a fine line between fishing &
  just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- What a nice night for an evening.
- Why, in a country of free speech,
  are there phone bills?
- My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how and when
  you were going to die, would you want to know?"
  I said, "No."  She said, "Okay, then forget it."
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.
  He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."
  I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"