DATING (Outside the Family)

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first 
date.
     
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been 
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the 
men's bathroom wall two years ago."
     
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, 
water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will 
end in frustration.
     
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up 
immediately after the movie has ended.
     
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have 
proven they can't hear you.