You Know You're In A Redneck Hospital When.....


-  The ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.

-  Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.

-  Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.

-  The Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife 
   and a string.

-  The Anesthesiologist is in bib overalls, and feeds you a clear liquid 
   out of a mason jar.

-  Your Gynecologist is Ernest.

-  Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can
   squeal like a pig.

-  The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.

-  Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.

-  Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.

-  Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard's feet, owl's beaks
   and pig's ears.

-  Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.

-  You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.

-  You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.

-  The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.