You Might be a Redneck If... 
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You own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren't 

You take you dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner 

You can burp and say you name at the same time 

You prefer car keys to Q-tips 

The word NASCAR appeared anywhere in your wedding vows 

The dog passes gas and you claim it 

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a
bath." 

You own a Waffle House credit card 

You think that the Nutcracker is something that you did off the high
dive 

You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't 

Somebody hollers, "Ho down" and your girlfriend hits the floor 

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded
like 

Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade 

You've ever been too drunk to fish 

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle 

You've had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend
your sister's honor 

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain 

Everyday somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking your having a
yard sale 

You've ever financed a tattoo 

You've made change in the offering plate 

You go to the family reunion to meet women 

You see a sign that says, "Say no to Crack" and it reminds you to pull
your jeans up 

You own the taxidermist more than your annual income 

The UFO hotline limits you to 1 call per day 

Directions to your house include turn off the paved road 

You prefer to walk the excess length off of your jeans rather than hem
them 

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a
flashlight 

You smoked during your wedding 

People ask to hunt in your front yard 

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board 

Your 2 year old has more teeth than you do 

Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting 

You have an above ground pool and you fish in it 

Your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look
at this before I flush it." 

The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the
handle" 

You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws 

Your lawn furniture use to be your living room furniture 

Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit 

You refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual air bags 

You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth 

You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction 

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the
wheels off of it 

Your wife's hair-do has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan 

You refer to the 5th grade as, "My senior year" 

You have ever taken a beer to a job interview 

Your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs 

Your family tree does not fork 

Your grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold