Redneck Fruitcake


1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs
3 cups flour
1 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
lemon juice
nuts
1 or 2 quarts whiskey

Before you start, sample the whiskey for quality.  Good isn't it?  Now go
ahead and sample somemore.

Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.  Check the whiskey again as
it must be just right.  To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality,
pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.  Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat a cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1
teaspoon of thugar and beat again.

Meanwhile, make sure that the whisky is of the finest quality.  Try another
tup.  Open second quart if necessary.

Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high.  If druit gets
stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.  Aample the whiskey
again, checking for losciclicity.

Next, sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.  Sample the
whiskey.  Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice.  Fold in chopped butter and strained
nuts.  Add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and
wix mell.  Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.  Now pour the whole
mess into the coven and ake.

Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.