Redneck Thanksgiving


For Thanksgiving, we've invited all our immediate relatives for lunch, and
we're looking forward to it. I'm tellin' you, this trailer's gonna be
wall-to-wall relatives.  I can jes hear 'em now

"Is Daddy gonna eat with us, or is he gonna sit in the car all day?"

"Why's my kid always got to drink out of the jelly glasses?  Marvene's
kids never does!"

"What time does Jerry Springer come on here?  Y'all still got the cable
spliced in here, ain'tcha?

"Would you just look at that?  I always try to give MY guests a plate that
ain't cracked or chipped, preferring to eat from it myself."

"Do you mind if we eat in front of the TV?  They's a Black and Decker
informercial I just don't wanna miss."

"Oh, don't you never mind about thaaaaat.  Not everybody can cook
cornbread as good as I can.  Don't worry -- they'll eat it!"

"I wuz jes sittin thar, quiet as a mouse, and then he come in to my
sights.  I squeeze and SPLAT! Bye-bye, Bambi!  Pass me some
more venison, Bubba."

"Momma, do I haaaave to eat her cookin?  You said yo'se'f you hated it."

"You chi'ren stop playing on that sheet metal!"

"I'd just LUV for y'all to come to Christmas dinner at my house, but
Jimbo says he ain't gone stay with me no more and I jes don't
think I can buy all them groceries by my own self."

"If you wuz to put as much attention to them kids as you do to your
guns, they wouldn't be sent home from school ever' other day with
head lice."

"Harvey's gonna move over to Mr. Autrey's garage, where they's an opening
on the grease rack.  He says they ain't no future as a painter's
helper, and we expecting our fifth young'un this spring.  No, it
don't show much right now, but I know I'm P.G., 'cause I gotta a
lotta gas.  I always get a lotta gas when I'm carrying.  Is they
any more sweet tater rounds?"

"Can anybody tell me why John is puttin gravy on his beans?  Is they
sumpin wrong with the BEANS,  John?"



Thanks to Lee Bradley