Biblical Ways Of Acquiring A Wife


No wonder some guys can't get it right...

a.  Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
    trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
     -- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 2111-13)
b.  Find a prostitute and marry her.
     -- Hosea (Hosea 11-3)
c.  Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
     -- Moses (Exodus 216-21)
d.  Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
     -- Boaz (Ruth 45-10)
e.  Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
    carry her off to be your wife.
     -- Benjaminites (Judges 2119-25)
f.  Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.  
    Note:  This will cost you a rib.
     -- Adam (Genesis 219-24)
g.  Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
    Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years 
    for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. 
    Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
     -- Jacob (Genesis 2915-30)
h.  Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get 
    his daughter for a wife.
     -- David (I Samuel 1827)
i.  Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely
    find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
     -- Cain (Genesis 416-17)



Thanks to BS Pyle
j.  Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
     -- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 23-4)
k.  When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen 
    a . .woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, 
    simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
     --Samson (Judges 141-3)
l.  Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
     -- David (2 Samuel 11)
m.  Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, 
    it's the law).
     -- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
n.  Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
     -- Solomon (1 Kings 111-3)
o.  A wife?. .NOT!!!
     -- Paul (1 Corinthians 732-35)