Church Lingo


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily. 
          2. Catholic air conditioning. 
          3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to 
       lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that 
      of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, 
                  since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with 
         good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.