Guide To Successful Dating 

The trick to sucessful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden 
signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a 
person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs."

 1.    Woman won't unlock car door for man. - Doesn't engage in oral sex.
 2.    Man gets in car without opening door for woman. - No foreplay.
 3.    Can't hail a cab. - impotent.
 4.    Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. - prefers virgins.
 5.    Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way.- 
       Is a virgin.
 6.    Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. - Compulsive 
       Don Juan.
 7.    Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif. -
       Compulsive Don Quixote.
 8.    Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. - Compulsive Don Ho.
 9.    Wants to go to a French Restaurant. - will swallow.
 10.   Wants to go to a deli. - Won't swallow.
 11.   Uses Sweet n' Low. - Wearing falsies.
 12.   Takes too long deciding what to order. - Has trouble reaching orgasm.
 13.   Orders salad dressing on the side. - Will give you a hand job but will 
       not go "all the way."
14.    Gives explicit orders to waiter. - Will expect incredibly skillful 
       gymnastics in bed.
 15.   Asks for extra rolls. - Will say she's using birth control when when 
       she's not, will get pregnant and sue.
 16.   Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as "The lady will have..." - 
       Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.
 17.   Asks for "the usual" - Insists on missionary position only.
 18.   Asks what the specials are. - Will want you to use handcuffs.
 19.   Fills up on bread and crackers. - Premature ejaculator.
 20.   Doesn't finish everything on plate. - Has already come.
 21.   Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. - Will make you sleep 
       on wet spot.
 22.   Changes mind after ordering. - Will never call you.
 23.   Changes tables. - Nyphomaniac.
 24.   Drinks decaf. - Fakes orgasms (female).
 25.   Orders in French. - Fakes orgasms (male).
 26.   Sends food back. - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then 
       try to borrow money.
 27.   Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. - Needs you to talk dirty 
       during sex.
 28.   Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. - Wants a handjob.
 29.   Orders a dessert involving nuts. - Castrating bitch.
 30.   Wants to split dessert. - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move 
       in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball 
       posters.
 31.   Credit card is refused. - Low sperm count.
 32.   Undertips waiter. - Small penis.
 33.   Undertips parking valet. - Small penis.
 34.   Undertips cabbie. - Small penis.
 35.   Uses toothpick. - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.
 36.   Removable cassette player in car. - Pull outs repeatedly during sex.
 37.   Cellular phone in car.- Penile implant.