He vs She

WHAT EVERY MAN EXPECTS IN A WIFE
* She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
* She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
* She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
* Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
* She will never be sick -- just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
* She will insist that moving the furniture by herself is good for her 
  figure.
* She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, 
  painting the house, and keeping quiet.
* Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
* She will hate charge cards.
* Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, dear?"
* She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
* She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some 
  sewing done.
* She will love you because you're so sexy.

WHAT HE USUALLY GETS
* She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
* She was once a model for a totem pole.
* Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking.
* She's a light eater.  Once it gets light, she starts eating.
* She lets you know you only have two faults.  Everything you do, and 
  everything you say.
* No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a 
  steel wool factory.
* If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.