More Men-Bashing at its Finest


Q.  How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take
    to do the dishes?
A.  Both of them.

Q.  What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A.  A candlelit football stadium.

Q.  What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A.  One is hairy, smelly, and is always scratching its rear...the other's 
    a monkey.

Q.  What would it take to get a man to put down the toilet seat?
A.  A sex change operation.

Q.  Why did God create man in the first place?
A.  She didn't, her husband did.

Q.  Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A.  They don't have time.

Q.  What happens when a man opens his zipper?
A.  His brains fall out.

Q.  Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A.  They won't stop and ask for directions.

Q.  What does PMS stand for?
A.  Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity.

Q.  What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A.  They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who end up playing 
    with them.

Q.  What do men and sperm have in common?
A.  They both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

Q.  Why do men like masturbation?
A.  It's sex with someone they love.

Q.  Why did God make man before woman?
A.  You need a rough draft before you can make the final copy.

Q.  How can you tell a man wants sex?
A.  He's breathing.

Q.  How can you tell when a man's had his orgasm?
A.  He starts snoring.

Q.  What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A.  Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q.  What does a man consider a 7-course meal?
A.  A pizza and a six-pack.  (if needed, they count slices and call it a 14-course meal).

Q.  Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A.  When it's time to go back to childhood, men are already there.

Q.  Why are men like blenders?
A.  You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Q.  What's the difference between a man and childbirth?
A.  One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable...the other is just 
    having a baby.

Q.  What is the difference between a single 40 year old woman and a single 40 year  
    old man?
A.  The woman thinks often of having children, while the man thinks often of having sex.

Q.  If women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger, what do 
    men dream of?
A.  Being stuck in an elevator with the DoubleMint twins.

Q.  What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A.  Slow.

Q.  What do men think a mutual orgasm is?
A.  An insurance company.