Ahhh, Women...

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice.
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee,
I can justify any shopping spree.
Go not to a barber, but a Beauty Salon,
Can get a massage without a hard on.

Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
I always save money by the using of coupons,
Can admit it to others when I am wrong.

Don't 'round drive in circles, at any cost,
I can admit it whenever  I'm lost.
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon,
Every time that I go to the john.

Let me tell it to you men,
Listen to me boys,
Those things in your pants that you treat as toys,
You love them more than we ever will, 
We would rather suck hard on a cold pickled dill.

I spend two hours preparing for our date,
Only to find out you're two hours late!
I don't enjoy movies that have lots of gore, 
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just 'cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch!

I don't wear the same underwear everyday,
The food in my fridge has no signs of decay!
I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools.
I don't cheat at poker,
I follow the rules.

I don't smoke cigars,
Don't buy drinks for the bar.
I don't punch my friends, just to say  "Hi"
And it's perfectly okay for me to cry.

I know all you men
Seem to think that you're "IT"
But compared to a woman,
You just ain't "JACK SHIT!"